A Big THANK YOU for paying it forrward

I'm sorry about the delay in posting.  I think it was fear and sadness in the conclusion of the year that hindered me from sitting down to write this post.  Maybe that sounds weird.  But some part of me just couldn't write this and summarize all that everyone did- maybe it made it all the more real.  The reality is that I had to ask people to do nice things in my son's honor instead of throwing him a birthday party, picking out his first birthday cake, obsessing about what trucks and balls to buy, picking out the birthday monogrammed coveralls you know I would have found, posting facebook pictures of the cake all over Hunter's face, and so forth.  I guess it all sank in and it just made it hard to write this Thank You Post. 

Just one more thing to process and absorb- and figure out. We really did loose our gorgeous son at 39 weeks for no reason.  Just two days after my Drs appt where all looked good and we were doing our final preparation and nesting, our world changed.  That Saturday afternoon- 2 days before my scheduled C-Section- I felt no movement and we went to the hospital and found no heartbeat.  Its true. I had a stillborn son. We have found no reason for his passing.  Its true and it will always be true.  This sadness and this loss is never going away. For the rest of my life, I will miss my son until I meet him in heaven with my Mom by his side.  I long for that day but also treasure my days here on earth don't get me wrong.

Okay, so this post was to be a thank you.  THANK YOU for honoring our son with the GENEROUS gifts.  I posted earlier about all the items donated that we could take to the Mercy Heartprints group. Amazing. And after that post, even more gift cards and great scrapbook items came in to donate.  It was a beautiful moment to bring all of that in to the hospital and to know that in Hunter's name all the other parents expressing this great loss will find some comfort with baby books/scrapbooks and reading books.

Next, it was all the emails and notes about how you went to Pay it Forward for Hunter! Such beautiful tales were received.  And we heard from many folks at work, at the airport and at home that were seeking things to do in Hunter's name but hadn't quite found the perfect moment.  We thank you for searching and hope you were able to find that special gesture to warm your heart and the hearts of someone else.

Here is a summary of some of what was done for Hunter to help create a happier place all across this country.

A friend or family member. . .
* climbed under and over counters to help another customer in a busy check out line with her purchases
* dedicated time and made a monetary donation to the local Food Shelter and Meals on Wheels
* purchased and donated children's books for grieving children who lost siblings or loved ones
* volunteered at the local hospital and helped someone who is always doing random acts of kindness
* delivered cough syrup to a sick friend
* secretly bought a lunch for a stranger
* secretly bought someones Starbucks order
* made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the homeless

Thank you. Thank you for helping make this last first milestone positive in many ways.  Our hearts were sincerely warmed by your gifts, your acts of kindness, your notes and emails, calls, cards and thoughts and prayers.

THANK YOU!!

Here are a few special pictures and memorials from our weekend in Lake Geneva, WI:

Giving to others in Hunter's Honor

Thank you.  And there will be more thank yous coming for other donations and acts of kindness.

Thank you for the donations to the  Mercy Hearprints group. 

We cant imagine having survived this year without the Heartprints Nurse Leader, Maggie, who met us right after Hunter was born, was by our side every day we were in the hospital, calls us and emails us, shares prayers and thoughts, leads our monthly support group, hugs us, and helps guide us on this path.  Maggie is an Angel herself and is so very nurturing and compassionate.  I am so happy to be giving something back to her with your help- to continue her journey and mission with new books from Barnes and Noble and Amazon and all of the scrapbook supplies she (and her helpers) can use to help make beautiful baby books (we treasure our book). 

Thank you for making this possible- thank you for these beautiful gifts.  Thank you for finding the grief and support journey an important one for other baby loss parents.  Thank you for helping support the current parents and the future parents who unfortunately find themselves part of this group.  We are grateful for Maggie and all of the new friends we have made at Heartprints.

Our hearts are truly warmed in being able to give so many amazing items to Heartprints in Hunter's honor this week.

Love,
Betsy and Ryan

Papers, stickers, scrapbook pages, cut-outs, labels, and gift cards

Signs of our Angel

While I am totally exhausted and ready for bed after our fantastic mini-vacation to Lake Geneva, WI, I had to share the amazing sign Hunter sent us today on his first angelversary.  I want to go through the emails, cards, tales of "paying it forward" but havent quite gotten there yet after our journey home.  I cant wait one bit to get to all of that tomorrow.  But for now just really had to share this amazing story!!

We stopped on our drive home in Illinois near the Illinois River to release our Hunter Green balloons (and a red one for my Mom).  As we had pulled in to the park area one eagle flew above our car only about 100 yards away leading us in to the river and the beautiful forest.  We didnt see any more eagles until right after we released our green balloons.  Without a doubt, a beautiful eagle flew right over us, swooping down quite low. 

I am just learning to use my new camera and of course havent figured out the lens and settings for night photos.  BUT if you look close enough you can see the eagle right between the two trees.. ..that's our boy, without a doubt!

Love you and MISS YOU so much Hunter.  Thanks for sending us a sign. 

Hunter
Spiritual Connotation: Pursuer of truth
Scripture: Lamentations 4:19
Our pursuers were swifter than the EAGLES in the heavens; they chased us on the mountains, they lay in wait for us in the wilderness

1 year angelversary

I cant believe its almost been a year.  It's been fast and slow.  This time last year we were excited and overjoyed and somewhat nervous and stressed about meeting our baby boy.  I was getting a couple things monogrammed for him the week leading up to the scheduled c-section (January 17th). I am so happy that I did that. Holding on to his blue Hunter blanket brings me such comfort.  It was with him for the 4 days in the hospital and now for our life we will treasure that blanket.  Its normally by my bed for a good snuggle and cry.

I do keep going over and over that week, the last days, etc and I think its because we have so little to hold on too. But its hard to remember those days as it just brings up lots of pain. Remembering the feeling of not feeling a kick, the frantic packing of goods to go to the hospital- I mean were we having a baby or just having a check up or not bringing a baby home, and then doing an ultrasound and seeing no heartbeat.  Its all very painful to remember.  But its also painful to forget. 

I am trying not to focus on reliving that week and especially that day- its just so painful.  I am trying to focus on love and how we loved him and how it felt to have Hunter in our arms. To focus on how much we loved and still love our son. I am trying to focus on what we have learned or how we have changed. I am trying to focus on loving my family and treasuring every day. I am trying to focus on hope for the future and finding the courage and strength and faith to try and have another child.  And to focus on how his life can make a difference either by helping us grow, helping us love, teaching us and others, or doing good.

I wish I hadn't had to learn or live or experience this and so sometimes it makes it hard to say we learned something. ..and I don't like to think that Hunter was born or died for us to learn something.  Maybe that is true- may be that's God's plan but I just cant get there.  I still have alot of questions for God for why he'd do this to us and other parents out there.  I am reading alot and learning from others that have lost children, but it will take time.

So for now, I am focusing on my love for Hunter and trying to lead a good life.  To make Hunter proud.  To somehow have his life leave a good mark on the world and not just one of extreme sadness.

So with all of this rambling said, we are asking friends, family and strangers to help us celebrate his life and his angel wings this year! As part of our Christmas card we wrote and asked the following:

We are about to celebrate Hunter's 1 year angelversary.  Hardly an hour goes by that we don't miss and remember our sweet, handsome, loved son.  Just as you might have given him or another 1 year old a birthday gift, we ask that you please honor him by doing 1 of the following:
1) Pay it forward on Hunter's birthday by doing something nice for someone (shovel their driveway, pay their Starbucks order, provide a baked good at thier door, feed the hungry).  Please send an email to betsy.b.webb@us.pwc.com with your story to be shared on our website http://hugsforhunter.blogspot.com
2) Send to us donations of scrapbook BABY papers, stickers, and other supplies to be donated to the Mercy Hospital Mercyprints Group for angel baby books for other grieving parents
3)  Send to us Amazon or Barnes and Noble gift card donations for books for the Mercyprints grieving families     


We'd love to have Hunter leave a special mark across the world on January 14, 2013 for his first angelversary. 

Lots of love to you and your angels,
Betsy, Ryan and Samantha