1 year angelversary

I cant believe its almost been a year.  It's been fast and slow.  This time last year we were excited and overjoyed and somewhat nervous and stressed about meeting our baby boy.  I was getting a couple things monogrammed for him the week leading up to the scheduled c-section (January 17th). I am so happy that I did that. Holding on to his blue Hunter blanket brings me such comfort.  It was with him for the 4 days in the hospital and now for our life we will treasure that blanket.  Its normally by my bed for a good snuggle and cry.

I do keep going over and over that week, the last days, etc and I think its because we have so little to hold on too. But its hard to remember those days as it just brings up lots of pain. Remembering the feeling of not feeling a kick, the frantic packing of goods to go to the hospital- I mean were we having a baby or just having a check up or not bringing a baby home, and then doing an ultrasound and seeing no heartbeat.  Its all very painful to remember.  But its also painful to forget. 

I am trying not to focus on reliving that week and especially that day- its just so painful.  I am trying to focus on love and how we loved him and how it felt to have Hunter in our arms. To focus on how much we loved and still love our son. I am trying to focus on what we have learned or how we have changed. I am trying to focus on loving my family and treasuring every day. I am trying to focus on hope for the future and finding the courage and strength and faith to try and have another child.  And to focus on how his life can make a difference either by helping us grow, helping us love, teaching us and others, or doing good.

I wish I hadn't had to learn or live or experience this and so sometimes it makes it hard to say we learned something. ..and I don't like to think that Hunter was born or died for us to learn something.  Maybe that is true- may be that's God's plan but I just cant get there.  I still have alot of questions for God for why he'd do this to us and other parents out there.  I am reading alot and learning from others that have lost children, but it will take time.

So for now, I am focusing on my love for Hunter and trying to lead a good life.  To make Hunter proud.  To somehow have his life leave a good mark on the world and not just one of extreme sadness.

So with all of this rambling said, we are asking friends, family and strangers to help us celebrate his life and his angel wings this year! As part of our Christmas card we wrote and asked the following:

We are about to celebrate Hunter's 1 year angelversary.  Hardly an hour goes by that we don't miss and remember our sweet, handsome, loved son.  Just as you might have given him or another 1 year old a birthday gift, we ask that you please honor him by doing 1 of the following:
1) Pay it forward on Hunter's birthday by doing something nice for someone (shovel their driveway, pay their Starbucks order, provide a baked good at thier door, feed the hungry).  Please send an email to betsy.b.webb@us.pwc.com with your story to be shared on our website http://hugsforhunter.blogspot.com
2) Send to us donations of scrapbook BABY papers, stickers, and other supplies to be donated to the Mercy Hospital Mercyprints Group for angel baby books for other grieving parents
3)  Send to us Amazon or Barnes and Noble gift card donations for books for the Mercyprints grieving families     


We'd love to have Hunter leave a special mark across the world on January 14, 2013 for his first angelversary. 

Lots of love to you and your angels,
Betsy, Ryan and Samantha