EKB

I Will See You Again
Corina Coburn

The sun shall rise,
and sure to set.
Her time has come,
have no regret.
Her life she lived,
we sure all know.
A better place,
she has to go.
Rejoice today
it's at an end.
And she will see us,
once again.

At 6:28pm tonight my wonderful, beautiful Mother (Elaine Butterfield) peacefully passed away at home with us by her side.  I will forever miss her and love her to pieces.  I feel a new giant hole in my heart.  We knew this was coming and we were preparing, but you can never really be ready.  I think I am still in shock.  She was ready to go and I hope and pray that she and Hunter are together.  And hopefully right now she's giving him a huge squeeze and telling him all about us. I can only aspire to be the kind of Mom she was every day. 

Off to bed, need to prepare to somehow tell my sweet baby girl that her "BB" has passed and is now a star in the sky with "baby brother."  Lord please grant me strength for this and the days ahead. 

2012- I'm ready for you to end.  2012 I hate you.

International Bereaved Mothers Day- May 6

I am wirting this not to get comments, posts, contact, etc or to be selfish in needing support.  We have had an abundance of support in so many ways- I feel so incredibly loved.  I am posting this because everywhere you turn there is someone who has experienced great loss and possibly the loss of a child.  I am amazed to find out how many wonderful families have lost a beautiful child or children for no reason.

Like us, it may be your plumber, your housekeeper, your doctor, your coworkers, your coffee barista, your preschool pto co-president, your old neighbor, your relative. 

So I am posting this to educate and to praise the families, especially the MOTHERS this month, who have lost a child.  Its a pain beyond all others.  I celebrate and remember your beautiful children today and every day.  I hope you find peace and comfort in remembering your child in a special way today and that you tend to your own heart and your mind right now. 
If you care to learn more about this day and to learn more about caring for those that have lost children take a look at the following links and information below. These are great suggestions to really care for anyone in need, anyone grieving any loss, etc.
http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/healing/how-family-and-friends-can-help
http://facesofloss.com/friends-family/10-ways-to-support-the-person-in-your-life-who-has-just-lost-a-baby
http://www.nationalshare.org/family-friends.html

I have also included some beautiful artwork done and is shared broadly across the babyloss/infant loss/bereaved parent community.




From the CarlyMarie Project:

International Bereaved Mothers Day was created by us in 2010 and it now falls on the first Sunday of every May. This year’s day is on Sunday May 6th 2012.

This special day was created to honour and celebrate mothers who carry some if not all of their children in their hearts rather than their arms.  In our modern day society, mothers who are grieving the death of their babies and children are usually forgotten. The traditional Mothers Day has proven to be an emotionally difficult day for so many mothers around the world.

On this day each year we come together to celebrate our connection, our babies and children and our hope for the future. We look at their ultrasound photos, polish their urns, lay flowers at their graves, visit special places and light candles in their memory.

Sunday May 6th 2012, get together with your closest friends and family who understand and celebrate you. Celebrate your children.

Hydrangea

Second post for the day- wow!

Just learning to keep my eyes open and peeled for signs of Hunter, angels and good wishes.  Its an amazing journey to consider this and to think about life upstairs with God.

As I pulled out of my parents drive-way this morning after my sleep-over with my Sister and my Mom  (Dad was here too, just in the other room) last night I caught a glimpse of a  blue hydrangea bloom in my Mom's gardens.  I couldn't quite believe it since my hydrangeas haven't bloomed yet and I really haven't seen any around town either.  So when I came back over a few hours later I took a stroll to the front of the house- and sure thing her hydrangeas have bloomed! There are like 3-4 nice blooms of the beautiful blue flowers, the other blooms yet to open up as you can see in the picture below (one still to flower and the other with lovely blue flowers).  I can't believe it- they bloomed just for her.  I believe this is God's way of telling me she's going to be okay and that we'll always have beautiful things surrounding us to remind us of her daily.

My Mom loves a hydrangea- white and blue being her favorite! This one right now as a mix of both (and even a little purple).

Nature

I don't know what to make of all these creatures around us- they just keep popping up.  Are they here to bring us peace?  Are they Hunter coming to say Hi?  In just the past week Ryan and I continue to find signs of nature and wildlife around us. 

1- A bunny nest in our front yard. Amazing that they have survived our "gruesome twosome" labs, but they have and are so cute (at least most have survived).  Our real bunny, Samantha, is loving watching these little guys.

2- Ryan caught a snapping turtle by accident fishing. Huge guy.

3- Ryan found a red summer tanager bird, not particularly common around here (online photo- not real pic)

4- I came home the other night and found a baby bird that had fallen from a nest on our neighbors car. Ryan moved it to higher ground, we think it survived and got the guts to fly off.
5- Last night at my parents I walked in to the den and on the window was an amazing tree frog (not the ones that live in the pool).  And then when I walked out the backyard there were more frogs everywhere- jumping, on the door handle, etc.
6- Today, a small baby turtle found on the front yard about a foot away from the bunny nest.  There is no water or any logical place for a turtle to have come from, I am clueless.

The other odd thing was the reaction the stingrays had to Ryan at the Zoo last week.  They were seriously obsessed with his arm and couldn't get enough- he had washed his arm up to his eblow, per Zoo rules, and taken off his watch and they still went after him. Even the Zoo Supervisors couldn't believe the reaction the stingrays had when his hand was in the pool to pet them.

Just a strange week of beautiful signs of nature following us everywhere. . .

UPDATE: After posting this I just saw this quote on facebook with a picture of a blue butterfly ". . .likes to think that whenever we see a butterfly nearby, it's a loved one who has come down from heaven to say hello." That made me remember all of the butterflies that have been in our yard this Spring and all throughout our neighborhood.  I have never seen so many butterflies.  They have been beautiful to watch swarming around our flowering bushes.  I totally think they are Hunter coming down to say Hello. Love you.

Soon they'll be together

Only time will tell now, but very soon my Mom is going to hug the heck out of our baby boy.  Soon they'll be together. Soon, she'll tell him about us. Maybe they'll dance, maybe they'll sing, maybe they'll make her apple pie. Soon she wont be uncomfortable, confused, tired, sad.  We are going to miss her so much- so very much. We already miss him so much.  I am going to have two of the biggest holes in my heart ever, I am scared.  I am sad.  Its a pain beyond belief.  To loose a Mother and a Son in only 4 short months- life is so not fair.  I hate 2012.  I hate our new reality, our new world.  Will I ever understand why this has all happened to us?  Will I ever understand why this has all happened to us at the same time?  Our families have endured too much- loosing a son, a mother, a grandmother (Anne Webb). All I can say, the only silver lining, is that soon Hunter and my Mom will be together.